I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just had sex on a roof
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
