make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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