the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
