Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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