no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
