Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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