you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They took my balls.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
