But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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