Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
