Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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