My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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