I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
