I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
