why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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