guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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