brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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