Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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