If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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