I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
