Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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