im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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