You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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