Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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