Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
