Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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