i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
