Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
