I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
