He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
