Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
