So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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