If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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