lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
