6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize