I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
