I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
