so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
