My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
