I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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