Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just google imaged poop.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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