I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
