For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
