He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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