Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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