The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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