He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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