Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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