Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
