am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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