how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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