Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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