People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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