every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
