: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize