She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
