Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
