Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
