I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
