Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
