I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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