My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
