i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize