no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We got so high we made milksteak
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
