if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
