STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
