I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
