I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
