Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
