Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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