**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
