im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
