So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
