Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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